Крихітка Дорріт

Chapter 21. The History of a Self-Tormentor

           Isoonbegantolikethesocietyofyourdearfriendbetterthananyother.

           WhenIperceived(whichIdid,almostassoon)thatjealousywasgrowingoutofthis,Ilikedthissocietystillbetter.HadInotbeensubjecttojealousy,andweretheendurancestobeallmine?No.Lethimknowwhatitwas!Iwasdelightedthatheshouldknowit;Iwasdelightedthatheshouldfeelkeenly,andIhopedhedid.Morethanthat.HewastameincomparisonwithMrGowan,whoknewhowtoaddressmeonequalterms,andhowtoanatomisethewretchedpeoplearoundus.

           Thiswenton,untiltheaunt,myMistress,tookituponherselftospeaktome.Itwasscarcelyworthalludingto;sheknewImeantnothing;butshesuggestedfromherself,knowingitwasonlynecessarytosuggest,thatitmightbebetterifIwerealittlelesscompanionablewithMrGowan.

           IaskedherhowshecouldanswerforwhatImeant?Shecouldalwaysanswer,shereplied,formymeaningnothingwrong.Ithankedher,butsaidIwouldprefertoanswerformyselfandtomyself.Herotherservantswouldprobablybegratefulforgoodcharacters,butIwantednone.

           Otherconversationfollowed,andinducedmetoaskherhowsheknewthatitwasonlynecessaryforhertomakeasuggestiontome,tohaveitobeyed?Didshepresumeonmybirth,oronmyhire?Iwasnotbought,bodyandsoul.Sheseemedtothinkthatherdistinguishednephewhadgoneintoaslave-marketandpurchasedawife.

           Itwouldprobablyhavecome,soonerorlater,totheendtowhichitdidcome,butshebroughtittoitsissueatonce.Shetoldme,withassumedcommiseration,thatIhadanunhappytemper.

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