Chapter XI

           

           DuringthejourneyIthoughtovermyerrandwithmisgiving.NowthatIwasfreefromthespectacleofMrs.Strickland’sdistressIcouldconsiderthemattermorecalmly.IwaspuzzledbythecontradictionsthatIsawinherbehaviour.Shewasveryunhappy,buttoexcitemysympathyshewasabletomakeashowofherunhappiness.Itwasevidentthatshehadbeenpreparedtoweep,forshehadprovidedherselfwithasufficiencyofhandkerchiefs;Iadmiredherforethought,butinretrospectitmadehertearsperhapslessmoving.Icouldnotdecidewhethershedesiredthereturnofherhusbandbecauseshelovedhim,orbecauseshedreadedthetongueofscandal;andIwasperturbedbythesuspicionthattheanguishoflovecontemnedwasalloyedinherbrokenheartwiththepangs,sordidtomyyoungmind,ofwoundedvanity.Ihadnotyetlearnthowcontradictoryishumannature;Ididnotknowhowmuchposethereisinthesincere,howmuchbasenessinthenoble,norhowmuchgoodnessinthereprobate.

           Buttherewassomethingofanadventureinmytrip,andmyspiritsroseasIapproachedParis.Isawmyself,too,fromthedramaticstandpoint,andIwaspleasedwithmyroleofthetrustedfriendbringingbacktheerranthusbandtohisforgivingwife.ImadeupmymindtoseeStricklandthefollowingevening,forIfeltinstinctivelythatthehourmustbechosenwithdelicacy.Anappealtotheemotionsislittlelikelytobeeffectualbeforeluncheon.Myownthoughtswerethenconstantlyoccupiedwithlove,butInevercouldimagineconnubialblisstillaftertea.

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