Луна и грош

Chapter XXIX

           Iforcedmyselftogooutforhourstogetherinordertoleavethembythemselves;Iwantedtopunishmyselfforsuspicionswhichwereunworthyofme;andwhenIcamebackIfoundtheydidn’twantme—notStrickland,hedidn’tcareifIwasthereornot,butBlanche.SheshudderedwhenIwenttokissher.WhenatlastIwascertainIdidn’tknowwhattodo;Iknewthey’donlylaughatmeifImadeascene.IthoughtifIheldmytongueandpretendednottosee,everythingwouldcomeright.Imadeupmymindtogethimawayquietly,withoutquarrelling.Oh,ifyouonlyknewwhatI’vesuffered!"

           ThenhetoldmeagainofhisaskingStricklandtogo.Hechosehismomentcarefully,andtriedtomakehisrequestsoundcasual;buthecouldnotmasterthetremblingofhisvoice;andhefelthimselfthatintowordsthathewishedtoseemjovialandfriendlytherecreptthebitternessofhisjealousy.HehadnotexpectedStricklandtotakehimuponthespotandmakehispreparationstogothereandthen;aboveall,hehadnotexpectedhiswife’sdecisiontogowithhim.Isawthatnowhewishedwithallhisheartthathehadheldhistongue.Hepreferredtheanguishofjealousytotheanguishofseparation.

           "Iwantedtokillhim,andIonlymadeafoolofmyself."

           Hewassilentforalongtime,andthenhesaidwhatIknewwasinhismind.

           "IfI’donlywaited,perhapsitwouldhavegoneallright.Ishouldn’thavebeensoimpatient.Oh,poorchild,whathaveIdrivenherto?"

           Ishruggedmyshoulders,butdidnotspeak

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