Esther’s Narrative

           Ilayillthroughseveralweeks,andtheusualtenorofmylifebecamelikeanoldremembrance.Butthiswasnottheeffectoftimesomuchasofthechangeinallmyhabitsmadebythehelplessnessandinactionofasick-room.BeforeIhadbeenconfinedtoitmanydays,everythingelseseemedtohaveretiredintoaremotedistancewheretherewaslittleornoseparationbetweenthevariousstagesofmylifewhichhadbeenreallydividedbyyears.Infallingill,Iseemedtohavecrossedadarklakeandtohaveleftallmyexperiences,mingledtogetherbythegreatdistance,onthehealthyshore.Myhousekeepingduties,thoughatfirstitcausedmegreatanxietytothinkthattheywereunperformed,weresoonasfaroffastheoldestoftheolddutiesatGreenleaforthesummerafternoonswhenIwenthomefromschoolwithmyportfolioundermyarm,andmychildishshadowatmyside,tomygodmother’shouse.Ihadneverknownbeforehowshortlifereallywasandintohowsmallaspacethemindcouldputit.WhileIwasveryill,thewayinwhichthesedivisionsoftimebecameconfusedwithoneanotherdistressedmymindexceedingly.Atonceachild,aneldergirl,andthelittlewomanIhadbeensohappyas,Iwasnotonlyoppressedbycaresanddifficultiesadaptedtoeachstation,butbythegreatperplexityofendlesslytryingtoreconcilethem.IsupposethatfewwhohavenotbeeninsuchaconditioncanquiteunderstandwhatImeanorwhatpainfulunrestarosefromthissource.

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