Холодний дім

Esther’s Narrative

           Iwouldhavegivenanythingnottohavebeensomuchinthebrightoldlady’sconfidenceifIcouldhavepossiblydeclinedit.Itgavemethemostinconsistentopinionsofher.AtonetimeIthoughtshewasastory-teller,andatanothertimethatshewasthepinkoftruth.NowIsuspectedthatshewasverycunning,nextmomentIbelievedherhonestWelshhearttobeperfectlyinnocentandsimple.Andafterall,whatdiditmattertome,andwhydiditmattertome?WhycouldnotI,goinguptobedwithmybasketofkeys,stoptositdownbyherfireandaccommodatemyselfforalittlewhiletoher,atleastaswellastoanybodyelse,andnottroublemyselfabouttheharmlessthingsshesaidtome?Impelledtowardsher,asIcertainlywas,forIwasveryanxiousthatsheshouldlikemeandwasverygladindeedthatshedid,whyshouldIharpafterwards,withactualdistressandpain,oneverywordshesaidandweighitoverandoveragainintwentyscales?Whywasitsoworryingtometohaveherinourhouse,andconfidentialtomeeverynight,whenIyetfeltthatitwasbetterandsafersomehowthatsheshouldbetherethananywhereelse?ThesewereperplexitiesandcontradictionsthatIcouldnotaccountfor.Atleast,ifIcouldbutIshallcometoallthatbyandby,anditismereidlenesstogoonaboutitnow.SowhenMrs.Woodcourtwentaway,Iwassorrytoloseherbutwasrelievedtoo.AndthenCaddyJellybycamedown,andCaddybroughtsuchapacketofdomesticnewsthatitgaveusabundantoccupation.

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