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Domestic

           WhatIamdescribing,slumbered,andhalfawoke,andsleptagain,intheinnermostrecessesofmymind.Therewasnoevidenceofitinme;IknowofnoinfluenceithadinanythingIsaidordid.Iboretheweightofallourlittlecares,andallmyprojects;Doraheldthepens;andwebothfeltthatourshareswereadjustedasthecaserequired.Shewastrulyfondofme,andproudofme;andwhenAgneswroteafewearnestwordsinherletterstoDora,oftheprideandinterestwithwhichmyoldfriendsheardofmygrowingreputation,andreadmybookasiftheyheardmespeakingitscontents,Dorareadthemouttomewithtearsofjoyinherbrighteyes,andsaidIwasadearoldclever,famousboy.

           ‘Thefirstmistakenimpulseofanundisciplinedheart.’ThosewordsofMrs.Strong’swereconstantlyrecurringtome,atthistime;werealmostalwayspresenttomymind.Iawokewiththem,often,inthenight;Iremembertohaveevenreadthem,indreams,inscribeduponthewallsofhouses.ForIknew,now,thatmyownheartwasundisciplinedwhenitfirstlovedDora;andthatifithadbeendisciplined,itnevercouldhavefelt,whenweweremarried,whatithadfeltinitssecretexperience.

           ‘Therecanbenodisparityinmarriage,likeunsuitabilityofmindandpurpose.’ThosewordsIrememberedtoo.IhadendeavouredtoadaptDoratomyself,andfounditimpracticable.ItremainedformetoadaptmyselftoDora;tosharewithherwhatIcould,andbehappy;tobearonmyownshoulderswhatImust,andbehappystill.

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Roboto Lora
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