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Cetology

           InhisSystemofNature,A.D.1776,Linnaeusdeclares,"Iherebyseparatethewhalesfromthefish."Butofmyownknowledge,Iknowthatdowntotheyear1850,sharksandshad,alewivesandherring,againstLinnaeus’sexpressedict,werestillfounddividingthepossessionofthesameseaswiththeLeviathan.

           ThegroundsuponwhichLinnaeuswouldfainhavebanishedthewhalesfromthewaters,hestatesasfollows:"Onaccountoftheirwarmbilocularheart,theirlungs,theirmoveableeyelids,theirhollowears,penemintrantemfeminammammislactantem,"andfinally,"exlegenaturaejuremeritoque."IsubmittedallthistomyfriendsSimeonMaceyandCharleyCoffin,ofNantucket,bothmessmatesofmineinacertainvoyage,andtheyunitedintheopinionthatthereasonssetforthwerealtogetherinsufficient.Charleyprofanelyhintedtheywerehumbug.

           Beitknownthat,waivingallargument,Itakethegoodoldfashionedgroundthatthewhaleisafish,andcalluponholyJonahtobackme.Thisfundamentalthingsettled,thenextpointis,inwhatinternalrespectdoesthewhaledifferfromotherfish.Above,Linnaeushasgivenyouthoseitems.Butinbrieftheyarethese:lungsandwarmblood;whereas,allotherfisharelunglessandcoldblooded.

           Next:howshallwedefinethewhale,byhisobviousexternals,soasconspicuouslytolabelhimforalltimetocome.Tobeshort,then,awhaleisaspoutingfishwithahorizontaltail.Thereyouhavehim.Howevercontracted,thatdefinitionistheresultofexpandedmeditation.Awalrusspoutsmuchlikeawhale,butthewalrusisnotafish,becauseheisamphibious.Butthelasttermofthedefinitionisstillmorecogent,ascoupledwiththefirst.Almostanyonemusthavenoticedthatallthefishfamiliartolandsmenhavenotaflat,butavertical,orup-and-downtail.

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