Мартін Іден

Chapter 46

           Hechangedhispositiontoaverticalone. Heglancedupatthequietstars,atthesametimeemptyinghislungsofair. Withswift,vigorouspropulsionofhandsandfeet,heliftedhisshouldersandhalfhischestoutofwater. Thiswastogainimpetusforthedescent. Thenhelethimselfgoandsankwithoutmovement,awhitestatue,intothesea. Hebreathedinthewaterdeeply,deliberately,afterthemannerofamantakingananaesthetic. Whenhestrangled,quiteinvoluntarilyhisarmsandlegsclawedthewateranddrovehimuptothesurfaceandintotheclearsightofthestars. 

           Thewilltolive,hethoughtdisdainfully,vainlyendeavoringnottobreathetheairintohisburstinglungs. Well,hewouldhavetotryanewway. Hefilledhislungswithair,filledthemfull. Thissupplywouldtakehimfardown. Heturnedoverandwentdownheadfirst,swimmingwithallhisstrengthandallhiswill. Deeperanddeeperhewent. Hiseyeswereopen,andhewatchedtheghostly,phosphorescenttrailsofthedartingbonita. Asheswam,hehopedthattheywouldnotstrikeathim,foritmightsnapthetensionofhiswill. Buttheydidnotstrike,andhefoundtimetobegratefulforthislastkindnessoflife. 

           Down,down,heswamtillhisarmsandleggrewtiredandhardlymoved. Heknewthathewasdeep. Thepressureonhisear-drumswasapain,andtherewasabuzzinginhishead. Hisendurancewasfaltering,buthecompelledhisarmsandlegstodrivehimdeeperuntilhiswillsnappedandtheairdrovefromhislungsinagreatexplosiverush. Thebubblesrubbedandboundedliketinyballoonsagainsthischeeksandeyesastheytooktheirupwardflight. Thencamepainandstrangulation. Thishurtwasnotdeath,wasthethoughtthatoscillatedthroughhisreelingconsciousness. DeathdidnothurtItwaslife,thepangsoflife,thisawful,suffocatingfeeling; itwasthelastblowlifecoulddealhim. 

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