Мартін Іден

Chapter 46

           Hearoseandthrusthisheadouttheport-hole,lookingdownintothemilkywash. TheMariposawasdeeplyloaded,and,hangingbyhishands,hisfeetwouldbeinthewater. Hecouldslipinnoiselessly. Noonewouldhear. Asmotherofspraydashedup,wettinghisface. Ittastedsaltonhislips,andthetastewasgood. Hewonderedifheoughttowriteaswan-song,butlaughedthethoughtaway. Therewasnotime. Hewastooimpatienttobegone. Turningoffthelightinhisroomsothatitmightnotbetrayhim,hewentouttheport-holefeetfirst. Hisshouldersstuck,andheforcedhimselfbacksoastotryitwithonearmdownbyhisside. Arollofthesteameraidedhim,andhewasthrough,hangingbyhishands. Whenhisfeettouchedthesea,heletgo. Hewasinamilkyfrothofwater. ThesideoftheMariposarushedpasthimlikeadarkwall,brokenhereandtherebylightedports. Shewascertainlymakingtime. Almostbeforeheknewit,hewasastern,swimminggentlyonthefoam-cracklingsurface. 

           Abonitastruckathiswhitebody,andhelaughedaloud. Ithadtakenapieceout,andthestingofitremindedhimofwhyhewasthere. Intheworktodohehadforgottenthepurposeofit. ThelightsoftheMariposaweregrowingdiminthedistance,andtherehewas,swimmingconfidently,asthoughitwerehisintentiontomakeforthenearestlandathousandmilesorsoaway. 

           Itwastheautomaticinstincttolive. Heceasedswimming,butthemomenthefeltthewaterrisingabovehismouththehandsstruckoutsharplywithaliftingmovement. Thewilltolive,washisthought,andthethoughtwasaccompaniedbyasneer. Well,hehadwill,ay,willstrongenoughthatwithonelastexertionitcoulddestroyitselfandceasetobe. 

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