Мартін Іден

Chapter 5

           Howcouldhe,herdingwithsuchcattle,everbecomeworthyofher? Hewasappalledattheproblemconfrontinghim,weighteddownbytheincubusofhisworking-classstation. Everythingreachedouttoholdhimdownhissister,hissister’shouseandfamily,Jimtheapprentice,everybodyheknew,everytieoflife. Existencedidnottastegoodinhismouth. Uptothenhehadacceptedexistence,ashehadliveditwithallabouthim,asagoodthing. Hehadneverquestionedit,exceptwhenhereadbooks; butthen,theywereonlybooks,fairystoriesofafairerandimpossibleworld. Butnowhehadseenthatworld,possibleandreal,withaflowerofawomancalledRuthinthemidmostcentreofit; andthenceforthhemustknowbittertastes,andlongingssharpaspain,andhopelessnessthattantalizedbecauseitfedonhope. 

           HehaddebatedbetweentheBerkeleyFreeLibraryandtheOaklandFreeLibrary,anddecideduponthelatterbecauseRuthlivedinOakland. Whocouldtell? alibrarywasamostlikelyplaceforher,andhemightseeherthere. Hedidnotknowthewayoflibraries,andhewanderedthroughendlessrowsoffiction,tillthedelicate-featuredFrench-lookinggirlwhoseemedincharge,toldhimthatthereferencedepartmentwasupstairs. Hedidnotknowenoughtoaskthemanatthedesk,andbeganhisadventuresinthephilosophyalcove. Hehadheardofbookphilosophy,buthadnotimaginedtherehadbeensomuchwrittenaboutit. Thehigh,bulgingshelvesofheavytomeshumbledhimandatthesametimestimulatedhim. Herewasworkforthevigorofhisbrain. Hefoundbooksontrigonometryinthemathematicssection,andranthepages,andstaredatthemeaninglessformulasandfigures. HecouldreadEnglish,buthesawthereanalienspeech. NormanandArthurknewthatspeech. Hehadheardthemtalkingit. Andtheywereherbrothers. Heleftthealcoveindespair. Fromeverysidethebooksseemedtopressuponhimandcrushhim. 

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