Chapter 14

           Itisamostmiserablethingtofeelashamedofhome.Theremaybeblackingratitudeinthething,andthepunishmentmayberetributiveandwelldeserved;butthatitisamiserablething,Icantestify.

           Homehadneverbeenaverypleasantplacetome,becauseofmysister’stemper.But,Joehadsanctifiedit,andIhadbelievedinit.Ihadbelievedinthebestparlorasamostelegantsaloon;Ihadbelievedinthefrontdoor,asamysteriousportaloftheTempleofStatewhosesolemnopeningwasattendedwithasacrificeofroastfowls;Ihadbelievedinthekitchenasachastethoughnotmagnificentapartment;Ihadbelievedintheforgeastheglowingroadtomanhoodandindependence.Withinasingleyearallthiswaschanged.Nowitwasallcoarseandcommon,andIwouldnothavehadMissHavishamandEstellaseeitonanyaccount.

           Howmuchofmyungraciousconditionofmindmayhavebeenmyownfault,howmuchMissHavisham’s,howmuchmysister’s,isnowofnomomenttomeortoanyone.Thechangewasmadeinme;thethingwasdone.Wellorilldone,excusablyorinexcusably,itwasdone.

           Once,ithadseemedtomethatwhenIshouldatlastrollupmyshirt-sleevesandgointotheforge,Joe’s’prentice,Ishouldbedistinguishedandhappy.Nowtherealitywasinmyhold,IonlyfeltthatIwasdustywiththedustofsmall-coal,andthatIhadaweightuponmydailyremembrancetowhichtheanvilwasafeather.

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