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Chapter 61

           Withthesoundoftheclosingdoor,thestrainunderwhichshehadbeenlaboring,thestrainwhichhadgivenherstrength,suddenlysnapped.Shefeltexhaustedinbodyanddrainedofemotions.Nowshefeltnosorroworremorse,nofearoramazement.Shewastiredandhermindtickedawaydully,mechanically,astheclockonthemantel.

           Outofthedullness,onethoughtarose.Ashleydidnotloveherandhadneverreallylovedherandtheknowledgedidnothurt.Itshouldhurt.Sheshouldbedesolate,brokenhearted,readytoscreamatfate.Shehadrelieduponhisloveforsolong.Ithadupheldherthroughsomanydarkplaces.Yet,therethetruthwas.Hedidnotloveherandshedidnotcare.Shedidnotcarebecauseshedidnotlovehim.Shedidnotlovehimandsonothinghecoulddoorsaycouldhurther.

           Shelaydownonthebedandputherheadonthepillowtiredly.Uselesstotrytocombattheidea,uselesstosaytoherself:"ButIdolovehim.I’velovedhimforyears.Lovecan’tchangetoapathyinaminute."

           Butitcouldchangeandithadchanged.

           "Heneverreallyexistedatall,exceptinmyimagination,"shethoughtwearily."IlovedsomethingImadeup,somethingthat’sjustasdeadasMellyis.Imadeaprettysuitofclothesandfellinlovewithit.AndwhenAshleycameridingalong,sohandsome,sodifferent,Iputthatsuitonhimandmadehimwearitwhetheritfittedhimornot.AndIwouldn’tseewhathereallywas.Ikeptonlovingtheprettyclothesandnothimatall."

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