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Chapter 55

           Butnow,withthememoryofMelaniestandingbetweenherandsocialruin,standinglikeathin,shiningblade,withtrustandafightinglightinhereyes,thereseemednothinghonesttodobutconfess.Yes,blurtouteverythingfromthatfar-offbeginningonthesunnyporchatTara.

           Shewasdrivenbyaconsciencewhich,thoughlongsuppressed,couldstillriseup,anactiveCatholicconscience."Confessyoursinsanddopenancefortheminsorrowandcontrition,"Ellenhadtoldherahundredtimesand,inthiscrisis,Ellen’sreligioustrainingcamebackandgrippedher.Shewouldconfessyes,everything,everylookandword,thosefewcaressesandthenGodwouldeaseherpainandgiveherpeace.And,forherpenance,therewouldbethedreadfulsightofMelanie’sfacechangingfromfondloveandtrusttoincreduloushorrorandrepulsion.Oh,thatwastoohardapenance,shethoughtinanguish,tohavetoliveoutherliferememberingMelanie’sface,knowingthatMelanieknewallthepettiness,themeanness,thetwo-faceddisloyaltyandthehypocrisythatwereinher.

           Once,thethoughtofflingingthetruthtauntinglyinMelanie’sfaceandseeingthecollapseofherfool’sparadisehadbeenanintoxicatingone,agesturewortheverythingshemightlosethereby.Butnow,allthathadchangedovernightandtherewasnothingshedesiredless.Whythisshouldbeshedidnotknow.Therewastoogreatatumultofconflictingideasinhermindforhertosortthemout.

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