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Chapter 47

           ItallseemedsorightwhenIdiditbutnowIseehowwrongitwas.Rhett,itdoesn’tseemlikeitwasmewhodidallthesethings.IwassomeantohimbutI’mnotreallymean.Iwasn’traisedthatway.Mother—"Shestoppedandswallowed.ShehadavoidedthinkingofEllenalldaybutshecouldnolongerblotoutherimage.

           "Ioftenwonderedwhatshewaslike.Youseemedtomesolikeyourfather."

           "MotherwasOh,Rhett,forthefirsttimeI’mgladshe’sdead,soshecan’tseeme.Shedidn’traisemetobemean.Shewassokindtoeverybody,sogood.She’dratherI’dhavestarvedthandonethis.AndIsowantedtobejustlikeherineverywayandI’mnotlikeheronebit.Ihadn’tthoughtofthatthere’sbeensomuchelsetothinkaboutbutIwantedtobelikeher.Ididn’twanttobelikePa.Ilovedhimbuthewassosothoughtless.Rhett,sometimesIdidtrysohardtobenicetopeopleandkindtoFrank,butthenthenightmarewouldcomebackandscaremesobadI’dwanttorushoutandjustgrabmoneyawayfrompeople,whetheritwasmineornot."

           Tearswerestreamingunheededdownherfaceandsheclutchedhishandsohardthathernailsdugintohisflesh.

           "Whatnightmare?"Hisvoicewascalmandsoothing.

           "OhIforgotyoudidn’tknow.Well,justwhenIwouldtrytobenicetofolksandtellmyselfthatmoneywasn’teverything,I’dgotobedanddreamthatIwasbackatTararightafterMotherdied,rightaftertheYankeeswentthrough.

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