Місяць і гріш

Chapter XLI

           "

           Idonotknowwhattherewasinthewayhetoldmethisthatextraordinarilysuggestedtheviolenceofhisdesire.Itwasdisconcertingandratherhorrible.Hislifewasstrangelydivorcedfrommaterialthings,anditwasasthoughhisbodyattimeswreakedafearfulrevengeonhisspirit.Thesatyrinhimsuddenlytookpossession,andhewaspowerlessinthegripofaninstinctwhichhadallthestrengthoftheprimitiveforcesofnature.Itwasanobsessionsocompletethattherewasnoroominhissoulforprudenceorgratitude.

           "Butwhydidyouwanttotakeherawaywithyou?"Iasked.

           "Ididn’t,"heanswered,frowning."WhenshesaidshewascomingIwasnearlyassurprisedasStroeve.ItoldherthatwhenI’dhadenoughofhershe’dhavetogo,andshesaidshe’driskthat."Hepausedalittle."Shehadawonderfulbody,andIwantedtopaintanude.WhenI’dfinishedmypictureItooknomoreinterestinher."

           "Andshelovedyouwithallherheart."

           Hesprangtohisfeetandwalkedupanddownthesmallroom.

           "Idon’twantlove.Ihaven’ttimeforit.It’sweakness.Iamaman,andsometimesIwantawoman.WhenI’vesatisfiedmypassionI’mreadyforotherthings.Ican’tovercomemydesire,butIhateit;itimprisonsmyspirit;IlookforwardtothetimewhenIshallbefreefromalldesireandcangivemyselfwithouthindrancetomywork.Becausewomencandonothingexceptlove,they’vegivenitaridiculousimportance.Theywanttopersuadeusthatit’sthewholeoflife.It’saninsignificantpart.Iknowlust.That’snormalandhealthy.Loveisadisease.

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