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My Aunt Astonishes Me

           Beginningitwiththatstatementofuniversalapplication,whichfittedeveryoccurrenceofherlife,namely,thatshewasamotherherself,shewentontoinformmethatshehadonceseenverydifferentdays,butthatatallperiodsofherexistenceshehadhadaconstitutionalobjectiontospies,intruders,andinformers.Shenamednonames,shesaid;letthemthecapfitted,wearit;butspies,intruders,andinformers,especiallyinwidders’weeds(thisclausewasunderlined),shehadeveraccustomedherselftolookdownupon.Ifagentlemanwasthevictimofspies,intruders,andinformers(butstillnamingnonames),thatwashisownpleasure.Hehadarighttopleasehimself;solethimdo.Allthatshe,Mrs.Crupp,stipulatedfor,was,thatsheshouldnotbe‘broughtincontract’withsuchpersons.Thereforeshebeggedtobeexcusedfromanyfurtherattendanceonthetopset,untilthingswereastheyformerlywas,andastheycouldbewishedtobe;andfurthermentionedthatherlittlebookwouldbefounduponthebreakfast-tableeverySaturdaymorning,whensherequestedanimmediatesettlementofthesame,withthebenevolentviewofsavingtrouble‘andanill-conwenience’toallparties.

           Afterthis,Mrs.Cruppconfinedherselftomakingpitfallsonthestairs,principallywithpitchers,andendeavouringtodeludePeggottyintobreakingherlegs.Ifounditratherharassingtoliveinthisstateofsiege,butwastoomuchafraidofMrs.Crupptoseeanywayoutofit.

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Roboto Lora
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