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Absence

           

           Inthebeginningofthechangethatgraduallyworkedinme,whenItriedtogetabetterunderstandingofmyselfandbeabetterman,Ididglance,throughsomeindefiniteprobation,toaperiodwhenImightpossiblyhopetocancelthemistakenpast,andtobesoblessedastomarryher.But,astimeworeon,thisshadowyprospectfaded,anddepartedfromme.Ifshehadeverlovedme,then,Ishouldholdherthemoresacred;rememberingtheconfidencesIhadreposedinher,herknowledgeofmyerrantheart,thesacrificeshemusthavemadetobemyfriendandsister,andthevictoryshehadwon.Ifshehadneverlovedme,couldIbelievethatshewouldlovemenow?

           Ihadalwaysfeltmyweakness,incomparisonwithherconstancyandfortitude;andnowIfeltitmoreandmore.WhateverImighthavebeentoher,orshetome,ifIhadbeenmoreworthyofherlongago,Iwasnotnow,andshewasnot.Thetimewaspast.Ihadletitgoby,andhaddeservedlylosther.

           ThatIsufferedmuchinthesecontentions,thattheyfilledmewithunhappinessandremorse,andyetthatIhadasustainingsensethatitwasrequiredofme,inrightandhonour,tokeepawayfrommyself,withshame,thethoughtofturningtothedeargirlinthewitheringofmyhopes,fromwhomIhadfrivolouslyturnedwhentheywerebrightandfreshwhichconsiderationwasattherootofeverythoughtIhadconcerningherisallequallytrue.

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Roboto Lora
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