Мартін Іден

Chapter 45

           "Iamnotchanged. Ihaven’tgotajob. I’mnotlookingforajob. Furthermore,Iamnotgoingtolookforajob. AndIstillbelievethatHerbertSpencerisagreatandnoblemanandthatJudgeBlountisanunmitigatedass. Ihaddinnerwithhimtheothernight,soIoughttoknow." 

           "Butyoudidn’tacceptfather’sinvitation,"shechided. 

           "Soyouknowaboutthat? Whosenthim? Yourmother?" 

           Sheremainedsilent. 

           "Thenshedidsendhim. Ithoughtso. AndnowIsupposeshehassentyou." 

           "NooneknowsthatIamhere,"sheprotested. "Doyouthinkmymotherwouldpermitthis?" 

           "She’dpermityoutomarryme,that’scertain." 

           Shegaveasharpcry."Oh,Martin,don’tbecruel. Youhavenotkissedmeonce. Youareasunresponsiveasastone. AndthinkwhatIhavedaredtodo." Shelookedaboutherwithashiver,thoughhalfthelookwascuriosity. "JustthinkofwhereIam." 

           "Icoulddieforyou! Icoulddieforyou!"Lizzie’swordswereringinginhisears. 

           "Whydidn’tyoudareitbefore?"heaskedharshly. "WhenIhadn’tajob? WhenIwasstarving? WhenIwasjustasIamnow,asaman,asanartist,thesameMartinEden? That’sthequestionI’vebeenpropoundingtomyselfformanyadaynotconcerningyoumerely,butconcerningeverybody. YouseeIhavenotchanged,thoughmysuddenapparentappreciationinvaluecompelsmeconstantlytoreassuremyselfonthatpoint. I’vegotthesamefleshonmybones,thesametenfingersandtoes. Iamthesame. Ihavenotdevelopedanynewstrengthnorvirtue. Mybrainisthesameoldbrain. 

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