Мартін Іден

Chapter 20

           Sheentertainedawildideaofexplainingtohimthefirsttimetheywerealonetogether,oflyingtohim,ofmentioningcasuallytheattackoffaintnessthathadoverpoweredherjustbeforethemooncameup. Thensherememberedhowtheyhaddrawnmutuallyawaybeforetherevealingmoon,andsheknewhewouldknowitforalie. 

           Inthedaysthatswiftlyfollowedshewasnolongerherselfbutastrange,puzzlingcreature,wilfuloverjudgmentandscornfulofself-analysis,refusingtopeerintothefutureortothinkaboutherselfandwhithershewasdrifting. Shewasinafeveroftinglingmystery,alternatelyfrightenedandcharmed,andinconstantbewilderment. Shehadoneideafirmlyfixed,however,whichinsuredhersecurity. ShewouldnotletMartinspeakhislove. Aslongasshedidthis,allwouldbewell. Inafewdayshewouldbeofftosea. Andevenifhedidspeak,allwouldbewell. Itcouldnotbeotherwise,forshedidnotlovehim. Ofcourse,itwouldbeapainfulhalfhourforhim,andanembarrassinghalfhourforher,becauseitwouldbeherfirstproposal. Shethrilleddeliciouslyatthethought. Shewasreallyawoman,withamanripetoaskforherinmarriage. Itwasaluretoallthatwasfundamentalinhersex. Thefabricofherlife,ofallthatconstitutedher,quiveredandgrewtremulous. Thethoughtflutteredinhermindlikeaflame-attractedmoth. 

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