Мартін Іден

Chapter 14

           Hewasallconfusionandembarrassmentontheinstant,thebloodflushingredonhisneckandbrow. "IhopeIamlearningtotalk,"hestammered. "ThereseemstobesomuchinmeIwanttosay. Butitisallsobig. Ican’tfindwaystosaywhatisreallyinme. Sometimesitseemstomethatalltheworld,alllife,everything,hadtakenupresidenceinsideofmeandwasclamoringformetobethespokesman. Ifeeloh,Ican’tdescribeitIfeelthebignessofit,butwhenIspeak,Ibabblelikealittlechild. Itisagreattasktotransmutefeelingandsensationintospeech,writtenorspoken,thatwill,inturn,inhimwhoreadsorlistens,transmuteitselfbackintotheselfsamefeelingandsensation. Itisalordlytask. See,Iburymyfaceinthegrass,andthebreathIdrawinthroughmynostrilssetsmequiveringwithathousandthoughtsandfancies. ItisabreathoftheuniverseIhavebreathed. Iknowsongandlaughter,andsuccessandpain,andstruggleanddeath; andIseevisionsthatariseinmybrainsomehowoutofthescentofthegrass,andIwouldliketotellthemtoyou,totheworld. ButhowcanI? Mytongueistied. Ihavetried,bythespokenword,justnow,todescribetoyoutheeffectonmeofthescentofthegrass. ButIhavenotsucceeded. Ihavenomorethanhintedinawkwardspeech. Mywordsseemgibberishtome. AndyetIamstifledwithdesiretotell. Oh!"hethrewuphishandswithadespairinggesture"itisimpossible! Itisnotunderstandable! Itisincommunicable!" 

           "Butyoudotalkwell,"sheinsisted. "JustthinkhowyouhaveimprovedintheshorttimeIhaveknownyou. 

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