Красное и черное

To Think Is To Be Full of Sorrow

           Letusmakehaste;perhapsto-morrowwillbetoolate.Ifheavenstrikesmethroughmychildren,itwillbeinvainthatIshalltryonlytolivetoloveyou,andtobeblindtothefactthatitismycrimewhichhaskilledthem.Icouldnotsurvivethatblow.EvenifIwishedIcouldnot;Ishouldgomad."

           "Ah,ifonlyIcouldtakeyoursinonmyselfasyousogenerouslyofferedtotakeStanislas’burningfever!"

           ThisgreatmoralcrisischangedthecharacterofthesentimentwhichunitedJulienandhismistress.Hislovewasnolongersimplyadmirationforherbeauty,andtheprideofpossessingher.

           Henceforththeirhappinesswasofaquitesuperiorcharacter.Theflamewhichconsumedthemwasmoreintense.Theyhadtransportsfilledwithmadness.Judgedbytheworldlystandardtheirhappinesswouldhaveappearedintensified.Buttheynolongerfoundthatdeliciousserenity,thatcloudlesshappiness,thatfacilejoyofthefirstperiodoftheirlove,whenMadamedeRênal’sonlyfearwasthatJuliendidnotloveherenough.Theirhappinesshadattimesthecomplexionofcrime.

           Intheirhappiestandapparentlytheirmosttranquilmoments,MadamedeRênalwouldsuddenlycryout,"Oh,greatGod,Iseehell,"asshepressedJulien’shandwithaconvulsivegrasp."Whathorribletortures!Ihavewelldeservedthem."Shegraspedhimandhungontohimlikeivyontoawall.

           Julienwouldtryinvaintocalmthatagitatedsoul.Shewouldtakehishand,coveritwithkisses.Then,relapsingintoagloomyreverie,shewouldsay,"Hellitselfwouldbeablessingforme.

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