Красное и черное

To Think Is To Be Full of Sorrow

           "WhyareyounotthefatherofStanislas?Inthatcaseitwouldnotbeaterriblesintoloveyoumorethanyourson."

           "Won’tyouallowmetostayandloveyouhenceforthlikeabrother?Itistheonlyrationalatonement.ItmayappeasethewrathoftheMostHigh."

           "AmI,"shecried,gettingupandtakingJulien’sheadbetweenhertwohands,andholdingitsomedistancefromher."AmItoloveyouasifyouwereabrother?Isitinmypowertoloveyoulikethat?"Julienmeltedintotears.

           "Iwillobeyyou,"hesaid,fallingatherfeet."Iwillobeyyouinwhateveryouorderme.Thatisallthereisleftformetodo.Mymindisstruckwithblindness.Idonotseeanycoursetotake.IfIleaveyouyouwilltellyourhusbandeverything.Youwillruinyourselfandhimaswell.Hewillneverbenominateddeputyafterincurringsuchridicule.IfIstay,youwillthinkIamthecauseofyourson’sdeath,andyouwilldieofgrief.Doyouwishtotrytheeffectofmydeparture.Ifyouwish,Iwillpunishmyselfforoursinbyleavingyouforeightdays.Iwillpasstheminanyretreatyoulike.IntheabbeyofBray-le-Haut,forinstance.Butswearthatyouwillsaynothingtoyourhusbandduringmyabsence.RememberthatifyouspeakIshallneverbeabletocomeback."

           Shepromisedandheleft,butwascalledbackattheendoftwodays.

           "Itisimpossibleformetokeepmyoathwithoutyou.Ishallspeaktomyhusbandifyouarenotconstantlytheretoenjoinmetosilencebyyourlooks.Everyhourofthisabominablelifeseemstolastaday."

           Finallyheavenhadpityonthisunfortunatemother.

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