Мартин Иден

Chapter 45

           "Iamsick,verysick,"hesaidwithadespairinggesture. "HowsickIdidnotknowtillnow. Somethinghasgoneoutofme. Ihavealwaysbeenunafraidoflife,butIneverdreamedofbeingsatedwithlife. LifehassofilledmethatIamemptyofanydesireforanything. Iftherewereroom,Ishouldwantyou,now. YouseehowsickIam. "Heleanedhisheadbackandclosedhiseyes; andlikeachild,crying,thatforgetsitsgriefinwatchingthesunlightpercolatethroughthetear-dimmedfilmsoverthepupils,soMartinforgothissickness,thepresenceofRuth,everything,inwatchingthemassesofvegetation,shotthroughhotlywithsunshinethattookformandblazedagainstthisbackgroundofhiseyelids. Itwasnotrestful,thatgreenfoliage. Thesunlightwastoorawandglaring. Ithurthimtolookatit,andyethelooked,heknewnotwhy. 

           Hewasbroughtbacktohimselfbytherattleofthedoor-knob. Ruthwasatthedoor. 

           "HowshallIgetout?"shequestionedtearfully. "Iamafraid." 

           "Oh,forgiveme,"hecried,springingtohisfeet. "I’mnotmyself,youknow. Iforgotyouwerehere." Heputhishandtohishead. "Yousee,I’mnotjustright. I’lltakeyouhome. Wecangooutbytheservants’entrance. Noonewillseeus. Pulldownthatveilandeverythingwillbeallright." 

           Sheclungtohisarmthroughthedim-lightedpassagesanddownthenarrowstairs. 

           "Iamsafenow,"shesaid,whentheyemergedonthesidewalk,atthesametimestartingtotakeherhandfromhisarm. 

           "No,no,I’llseeyouhome,"heanswered. 

           "No,pleasedon’t,"sheobjected. "Itisunnecessary." 

           Againshestartedtoremoveherhand. Hefeltamomentarycuriosity. Nowthatshewasoutofdangershewasafraid. Shewasinalmostapanictobequitofhim. Hecouldseenoreasonforitandattributedittohernervousness. 

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