Мартин Иден

Chapter 45

           "Poor,dearhead." Shereachedupahandandpassedthefingerssoothinglythroughhishair. "Letitgoaroundnomore. Letusbeginanew,now. Ilovedyouallthetime. IknowthatIwasweakinyieldingtomymother’swill. Ishouldnothavedoneso. YetIhaveheardyouspeaksooftenwithbroadcharityofthefallibilityandfrailtyofhumankind. Extendthatcharitytome. Iactedmistakenly. Forgiveme." 

           "Oh,Idoforgive,"hesaidimpatiently. "Itiseasytoforgivewherethereisreallynothingtoforgive. Nothingthatyouhavedonerequiresforgiveness. Oneactsaccordingtoone’slights,andmorethanthatonecannotdo. AswellmightIaskyoutoforgivemeformynotgettingajob." 

           "Imeantwell,"sheprotested. "YouknowthatIcouldnothavelovedyouandnotmeantwell." 

           "True; butyouwouldhavedestroyedmeoutofyourwell-meaning." 

           "Yes,yes,"heshutoffherattemptedobjection. "Youwouldhavedestroyedmywritingandmycareer. Realismisimperativetomynature,andthebourgeoisspirithatesrealism. Thebourgeoisieiscowardly. Itisafraidoflife. Andallyoureffortwastomakemeafraidoflife. Youwouldhaveformalizedme. Youwouldhavecompressedmeintoatwo-by-fourpigeonholeoflife,wherealllife’svaluesareunreal,andfalse,andvulgar." Hefeltherstirprotestingly. "Vulgarityaheartyvulgarity,I’lladmitisthebasisofbourgeoisrefinementandculture. 

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