Мартин Иден

Chapter 45

           Ihaven’tmadeevenonenewgeneralizationonliteratureorphilosophy. IampersonallyofthesamevaluethatIwaswhennobodywantedme. Andwhatispuzzlingmeiswhytheywantmenow. Surelytheydon’twantmeformyself,formyselfisthesameoldselftheydidnotwant. Thentheymustwantmeforsomethingelse,forsomethingthatisoutsideofme,forsomethingthatisnotI! ShallItellyouwhatthatsomethingis? ItisfortherecognitionIhavereceived. ThatrecognitionisnotI. Itresidesinthemindsofothers. ThenagainforthemoneyIhaveearnedandamearning. ButthatmoneyisnotI. ItresidesinbanksandinthepocketsofTom,Dick,andHarry. Andisitforthat,fortherecognitionandthemoney,thatyounowwantme?" 

           "Youarebreakingmyheart,"shesobbed. "YouknowIloveyou,thatIamherebecauseIloveyou." 

           "Iamafraidyoudon’tseemypoint,"hesaidgently. "WhatImeanis:ifyouloveme,howdoesithappenthatyoulovemenowsomuchmorethanyoudidwhenyourlovewasweakenoughtodenyme?" 

           "Forgetandforgive,"shecriedpassionately. "Ilovedyouallthetime,rememberthat,andIamhere,now,inyourarms." 

           "I’mafraidIamashrewdmerchant,peeringintothescales,tryingtoweighyourloveandfindoutwhatmannerofthingitis." 

           Shewithdrewherselffromhisarms,satupright,andlookedathimlongandsearchingly. Shewasabouttospeak,thenfalteredandchangedhermind. 

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