Мартин Иден

Chapter 4

           Thoughtheyhadoftenbotheredhim,hehadneverbotheredaboutthem; andhewouldneverhavedreamedthattherewerewomenwhohadbeenbetterbecauseofhim. Alwaysinsublimecarelessnesshadhelived,tillnow,andnowitseemedtohimthattheyhadalwaysreachedoutanddraggedathimwithvilehands. Thiswasnotjusttothem,nortohimself. Buthe,whoforthefirsttimewasbecomingconsciousofhimself,wasinnoconditiontojudge,andheburnedwithshameashestaredatthevisionofhisinfamy. 

           Hegotupabruptlyandtriedtoseehimselfinthedirtylooking-glassoverthewash-stand. Hepassedatoweloveritandlookedagain,longandcarefully. Itwasthefirsttimehehadeverreallyseenhimself. Hiseyesweremadeforseeing,butuptothatmomenttheyhadbeenfilledwiththeeverchangingpanoramaoftheworld,atwhichhehadbeentoobusygazing,evertogazeathimself. Hesawtheheadandfaceofayoungfellowoftwenty,but,beingunusedtosuchappraisement,hedidnotknowhowtovalueit. Aboveasquare-domedforeheadhesawamopofbrownhair,nut-brown,withawavetoitandhintsofcurlsthatwereadelighttoanywoman,makinghandstingletostrokeitandfingerstingletopasscaressesthroughit. Buthepasseditbyaswithoutmerit,inHereyes,anddweltlongandthoughtfullyonthehigh,squareforehead,strivingtopenetrateitandlearnthequalityofitscontent. Whatkindofabrainlaybehindthere? Washisinsistentinterrogation. Whatwasitcapableof? Howfarwouldittakehim? Wouldittakehimtoher? 

           Hewonderediftherewassoulinthosesteel-grayeyesthatwereoftenquiteblueofcolorandthatwerestrongwiththebrinyairsofthesun-washeddeep. Hewondered,also,howhiseyeslookedtoher. Hetriedtoimaginehimselfshe,gazingintothoseeyesofhis,butfailedinthejugglery. 

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