Мартин Иден

Chapter 17

           Shedidherbesttosayhowmuchshelikedthemandthattheywerebeautiful. Butshecouldnotlie,andshecouldnotdisguisethetruthfromherself. Sheknewtheywerefailures,andhereadherdisapprovalineveryperfunctoryandunenthusiasticlineofherletter. Andshewasright. Hewasfirmlyconvincedofitashereadthepoemsover. Beautyandwonderhaddepartedfromhim,andashereadthepoemshecaughthimselfpuzzlingastowhathehadhadinmindwhenhewrotethem. Hisaudacitiesofphrasestruckhimasgrotesque,hisfelicitiesofexpressionweremonstrosities,andeverythingwasabsurd,unreal,andimpossible. Hewouldhaveburnedthe"SeaLyrics"onthespot,hadhiswillbeenstrongenoughtosetthemaflame. Therewastheengine-room,buttheexertionofcarryingthemtothefurnacewasnotworthwhile. Allhisexertionwasusedinwashingotherpersons’clothes. Hedidnothaveanyleftforprivateaffairs. 

           HeresolvedthatwhenSundaycamehewouldpullhimselftogetherandanswerRuth’sletter. ButSaturdayafternoon,afterworkwasfinishedandhehadtakenabath,thedesiretoforgetoverpoweredhim. "IguessI’llgodownandseehowJoe’sgettingon,"wasthewayheputittohimself; andinthesamemomentheknewthathelied. Buthedidnothavetheenergytoconsiderthelie. Ifhehadhadtheenergy,hewouldhaverefusedtoconsiderthelie,becausehewantedtoforget. Hestartedforthevillageslowlyandcasually,increasinghispaceinspiteofhimselfashenearedthesaloon. 

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