Ідіот

Chapter 5

           Besidesthat,IhavemademyselfapromisenottoalterasinglewordofwhatIwriteinthispaper,eventhoughIfindthatIamcontradictingmyselfeveryfivelines.IwishtoverifytheworkingofthenaturallogicofmyideastomorrowduringthereadingwhetherIamcapableofdetectinglogicalerrors,andwhetherallthatIhavemeditatedoverduringthelastsixmonthsbetrue,ornothingbutdelirium.

           “IftwomonthssinceIhadbeencalledupontoleavemyroomandtheviewofMeyer’swallopposite,IverilybelieveIshouldhavebeensorry.ButnowIhavenosuchfeeling,andyetIamleavingthisroomandMeyer’sbrickwallforever.Sothatmyconclusion,thatitisnotworthwhileindulgingingrief,oranyotheremotion,forafortnight,hasprovedstrongerthanmyverynature,andhastakenoverthedirectionofmyfeelings.Butisitso?Isitthecasethatmynatureisconqueredentirely?IfIweretobeputontheracknow,Ishouldcertainlycryout.IshouldnotsaythatitisnotworthwhiletoyellandfeelpainbecauseIhavebutafortnighttolive.

           “ButisittruethatIhavebutafortnightoflifelefttome?IknowItoldsomeofmyfriendsthatDoctorB.hadinformedmethatthiswasthecase;butInowconfessthatIlied;B.hasnotevenseenme.However,aweekago,Icalledinamedicalstudent,Kislorodoff,whoisaNationalist,anAtheist,andaNihilist,byconviction,andthatiswhyIhadhim.

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Roboto Lora
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