Ідіот

Chapter 5

           Whoknows,perhapsIamgoingtoPavlofskonpurposetoseehim!ButwhydoIleavemychamber?Thosewhoaresentencedtodeathshouldnotleavetheircells.IfIhadnotformedafinalresolve,buthaddecidedtowaituntilthelastminute,Ishouldnotleavemyroom,oraccepthisinvitationtocomeanddieatPavlofsk.Imustbequickandfinishthisexplanationbeforetomorrow.Ishallhavenotimetoreaditoverandcorrectit,forImustreadittomorrowtotheprinceandtwoorthreewitnesseswhomIshallprobablyfindthere.

           “Asitwillbeabsolutelytrue,withoutatouchoffalsehood,IamcurioustoseewhatimpressionitwillmakeuponmemyselfatthemomentwhenIreaditout.Thisismy‘lastandsolemn’butwhyneedIcallitthat?Thereisnoquestionaboutthetruthofit,foritisnotworthwhilelyingforafortnight;afortnightoflifeisnotitselfworthhaving,whichisaproofthatIwritenothingherebutpuretruth.

           (“N.B.Letmeremembertoconsider;amImadatthismoment,ornot?orratheratthesemoments?Ihavebeentoldthatconsumptivessometimesdogooutoftheirmindsforawhileinthelaststagesofthemalady.IcanprovethistomorrowwhenIreaditout,bytheimpressionitmakesupontheaudience.Imustsettlethisquestiononceandforall,otherwiseIcan’tgoonwithanything.)

           “IbelieveIhavejustwrittendreadfulnonsense;butthere’snotimeforcorrecting,asIsaidbefore.

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