Скорбота сатани

Chapter 36

           Theyforgetthatonthebrinkofthegrave,thoughtscomethatwillnotbegainsaid,andthatcannotbeappeasedbyalearnedthesis....HoweverIwillnotprayitwouldseemtomyselfcowardlythatIwhohaveneversaidmyprayerssinceIwasachild,shouldrunoverthemnowinafoolishbabblingattempttosatisfythepowersinvisibleIcouldnot,outofsheerassociation,appealtoMrSwinburne’s‘crucifiedcarrion’!BesidesIdonotbelieveinthepowersinvisibleatallIfeelthatonceoutsidethislife,‘therest’asHamletsaid‘issilence.’

           ·····Ihavebeenstaringdreamilyandinasortofstupefactionatthelittlepoison-flaskinmyhand.Itisquiteemptynow.IhaveswallowedeverydropoftheliquiditcontainedItookitquicklyanddeterminatelyasonetakesnauseousmedicine,withoutallowingmyselfanothermomentoftimeforthoughtorhesitation.IttastedacridandburningonmytonguebutatpresentIamnotconsciousofanystrangeorpainfulresult.Ishallwatchmyfaceinthemirrorandtracetheoncomingofdeaththiswillbeatanyrateanewsensationnotwithoutinterest!

           ·····Mymotherishereherewithmeinthisroom!Sheismovingaboutrestlessly,makingwildgestureswithherhandsandtryingtospeak.Shelooksasshedidwhenshewasdyingonlymorealive,moresentient.Ihavefollowedherupanddown,butamunabletotouchhersheeludesmygrasp.

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