Скорбота сатани

Chapter 35

           YetIknowshewillbeCountessofEltonassoonasitisdecentlypossiblesay,aftertheyear’sceremoniousmourningformymotherhasexpired,andperhapsthreemonths’hypocriticalwearingofblackformemyfatherbelieveshimselftobestillyoungandpassablygood-looking,andheisquiteincapableofresistingthefortuneshewillbringhim.WhenshetookupherfixedabodeinourhouseandAuntCharlottebecameherpaidchaperône,Iseldomwentouttoanysocialgatherings,forIcouldnotenduretheideaofbeingseeninhercompanionship.Ikepttomyownroomagreatdeal,andthussecluded,readmanybooks.Allthefashionablefictionofthedaypassedthroughmyhands,muchtomygradualenlightenment,ifnottomyedification.Onedayadaythatisstampedonmymemoryasakindofturning-pointinmylifeIreadanovelbyawomanwhichIdidnotatfirstentirelyunderstandbutongoingoversomeofitspassagesasecondtime,allatonceitshorriblelasciviousnessflasheduponme,andfilledmewithsuchgenuinedisgustthatIflungitonthegroundinafitofloathingandcontempt.YetIhadseenitpraisedinalltheleadingjournalsoftheday;itsobscenitieswerehintedatas‘daring,’—itsvulgaritieswerequotedas‘brilliantwit,’—infactsomanylaudatorycolumnswerewrittenaboutitinthepressthatIresolvedtoreaditagain.Encouragedbythe‘literarycensors’ofthetime,Ididso,andlittlebylittletheinsidiousabominationofitfilteredintomymindandstayedthere.

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