Любовник леди Чаттерлей
Chapter 18
Isn’titratherterrible,whenyou’vebeenintimatewithher,tohateherso?Whyisit?’
’Idon’tknow.Shesortofkeptherwillreadyagainstme,always,always:herghastlyfemalewill:herfreedom!Awoman’sghastlyfreedomthatendsinthemostbeastlybullying!Oh,shealwayskeptherfreedomagainstme,likevitriolinmyface.’
’Butshe’snotfreeofyouevennow.Doesshestillloveyou?’
’No,no!Ifshe’snotfreeofme,it’sbecauseshe’sgotthatmadrage,shemusttrytobullyme.’
’Butshemusthavelovedyou.’
’No!Well,inspecksshedid.Shewasdrawntome.AndIthinkeventhatshehated.Shelovedmeinmoments.Butshealwaystookitback,andstartedbullying.Herdeepestdesirewastobullyme,andtherewasnoalteringher.Herwillwaswrong,fromthefirst.’
’Butperhapsshefeltyoudidn’treallyloveher,andshewantedtomakeyou.’
’MyGod,itwasbloodymaking.’
’Butyoudidn’treallyloveher,didyou?Youdidherthatwrong.’
’HowcouldI?Ibeganto.Ibegantoloveher.Butsomehow,shealwaysrippedmeup.No,don’tlet’stalkofit.Itwasadoom,thatwas.Andshewasadoomedwoman.Thislasttime,I’dhaveshotherlikeIshootastoat,ifI’dbutbeenallowed:araving,doomedthingintheshapeofawoman!IfonlyIcouldhaveshother,andendedthewholemisery!Itoughttobeallowed.Whenawomangetsabsolutelypossessedbyherownwill,herownwillsetagainsteverything,thenit’sfearful,andsheshouldbeshotatlast.
