Chapter 17

           ’Yousee,Hilda,’saidConnieafterlunch,whentheywerenearingLondon,’youhaveneverknowneitherrealtendernessorrealsensuality:andifyoudoknowthem,withthesameperson,itmakesagreatdifference.’

           ’Formercy’ssakedon’tbragaboutyourexperiences!’saidHilda.’I’venevermetthemanyetwhowascapableofintimacywithawoman,givinghimselfuptoher.ThatwaswhatIwanted.I’mnotkeenontheirself-satisfiedtenderness,andtheirsensuality.I’mnotcontenttobeanyman’slittlepetsy-wetsy,norhischairaplaisireither.Iwantedacompleteintimacy,andIdidn’tgetit.That’senoughforme.

           Connieponderedthis.Completeintimacy!Shesupposedthatmeantrevealingeverythingconcerningyourselftotheotherperson,andhisrevealingeverythingconcerninghimself.Butthatwasabore.Andallthatwearyself-consciousnessbetweenamanandawoman!adisease!

           ’Ithinkyou’retooconsciousofyourselfallthetime,witheverybody,’shesaidtohersister.

           ’IhopeatleastIhaven’taslavenature,’saidHilda.

           ’Butperhapsyouhave!Perhapsyouareaslavetoyourownideaofyourself.’

           HildadroveinsilenceforsometimeafterthispieceofunheardofinsolencefromthatchitConnie.

           ’AtleastI’mnotaslavetosomebodyelse’sideaofme:andthesomebodyelseaservantofmyhusband’s,’sheretortedatlast,incrudeanger.

           ’Yousee,it’snotso,’saidConniecalmly.

           Shehadalwaysletherselfbedominatedbyhereldersister.Now,thoughsomewhereinsideherselfshewasweeping,shewasfreeofthedominionofotherwomen.