Преступление и наказание

Chapter 4

           Andhowwillyourmotherfeelthen?Evennowsheisuneasy,sheisworried,butthen,whensheseesitallclearly?AndI?Yes,indeed,whathaveyoutakenmefor?Iwon’thaveyoursacrifice,Dounia,Iwon’thaveit,mother!Itshallnotbe,solongasIamalive,itshallnot,itshallnot!Iwon’tacceptit!”

           Hesuddenlypausedinhisreflectionandstoodstill.

           “Itshallnotbe?Butwhatareyougoingtodotopreventit?You’llforbidit?Andwhatrighthaveyou?Whatcanyoupromisethemonyoursidetogiveyousucharight?Yourwholelife,yourwholefuture,youwilldevotetothemwhenyouhavefinishedyourstudiesandobtainedapost?Yes,wehaveheardallthatbefore,andthat’sallwords,butnow?Nowsomethingmustbedone,now,doyouunderstandthat?Andwhatareyoudoingnow?Youarelivinguponthem.Theyborrowontheirhundredroublespension.TheyborrowfromtheSvidrigaïlovs.HowareyougoingtosavethemfromSvidrigaïlovs,fromAfanasyIvanovitchVahrushin,oh,futuremillionaireZeuswhowouldarrangetheirlivesforthem?Inanothertenyears?Inanothertenyears,motherwillbeblindwithknittingshawls,maybewithweepingtoo.Shewillbeworntoashadowwithfasting;andmysister?Imagineforamomentwhatmayhavebecomeofyoursisterintenyears?Whatmayhappentoherduringthosetenyears?Canyoufancy?”

           Sohetorturedhimself,frettinghimselfwithsuchquestions,andfindingakindofenjoymentinit.Andyetallthesequestionswerenotnewonessuddenlyconfrontinghim,theywereoldfamiliaraches.

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