Преступление и наказание

Chapter 4

           You’vebeeninmyden,you’veseenit....Anddoyouknow,Sonia,thatlowceilingsandtinyroomscrampthesoulandthemind?Ah,howIhatedthatgarret!AndyetIwouldn’tgooutofit!Iwouldn’tonpurpose!Ididn’tgooutfordaystogether,andIwouldn’twork,Iwouldn’teveneat,Ijustlaytheredoingnothing.IfNastasyabroughtmeanything,Iateit,ifshedidn’t,Iwentalldaywithout;Iwouldn’task,onpurpose,fromsulkiness!AtnightIhadnolight,IlayinthedarkandIwouldn’tearnmoneyforcandles.Ioughttohavestudied,butIsoldmybooks;andthedustliesaninchthickonthenotebooksonmytable.Ipreferredlyingstillandthinking.AndIkeptthinking....AndIhaddreamsallthetime,strangedreamsofallsorts,noneedtodescribe!OnlythenIbegantofancythat...No,that’snotit!AgainIamtellingyouwrong!YouseeIkeptaskingmyselfthen:whyamIsostupidthatifothersarestupidandIknowtheyareyetIwon’tbewiser?ThenIsaw,Sonia,thatifonewaitsforeveryonetogetwiseritwilltaketoolong....AfterwardsIunderstoodthatthatwouldnevercometopass,thatmenwon’tchangeandthatnobodycanalteritandthatit’snotworthwastingeffortoverit.Yes,that’sso.That’sthelawoftheirnature,Sonia,...that’sso!...AndIknownow,Sonia,thatwhoeverisstronginmindandspiritwillhavepoweroverthem.Anyonewhoisgreatlydaringisrightintheireyes.

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