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Chapter XXXIV

           Thethingwasasimpossibleastomouldmyirregularfeaturestohiscorrectandclassicpattern,togivetomychangeablegreeneyesthesea-bluetintandsolemnlustreofhisown. 

           Nothisascendancyalone,however,heldmeinthrallatpresent. Oflateithadbeeneasyenoughformetolooksad:acankeringevilsatatmyheartanddrainedmyhappinessatitssourcetheevilofsuspense. 

           PerhapsyouthinkIhadforgottenMr.Rochester,reader,amidstthesechangesofplaceandfortune.Notforamoment. Hisideawasstillwithme,becauseitwasnotavapoursunshinecoulddisperse,norasand-tracedeffigystormscouldwashaway;itwasanamegravenonatablet,fatedtolastaslongasthemarbleitinscribed. Thecravingtoknowwhathadbecomeofhimfollowedmeeverywhere; whenIwasatMorton,Ire-enteredmycottageeveryeveningtothinkofthat;andnowatMoorHouse,Isoughtmybedroomeachnighttobroodoverit. 

           InthecourseofmynecessarycorrespondencewithMr.Briggsaboutthewill,IhadinquiredifheknewanythingofMr.Rochester’spresentresidenceandstateofhealth;but,asSt.Johnhadconjectured,hewasquiteignorantofallconcerninghim. IthenwrotetoMrs.Fairfax,entreatinginformationonthesubject. Ihadcalculatedwithcertaintyonthisstepansweringmyend:Ifeltsureitwouldelicitanearlyanswer. Iwasastonishedwhenafortnightpassedwithoutreply;butwhentwomonthsworeaway,anddayafterdaythepostarrivedandbroughtnothingforme,Ifellapreytothekeenestanxiety. 

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