Красное и черное

To Think Is To Be Full of Sorrow

           ButhowcouldIhaveinspiredsuchalove,Iwhoamsopoor,sobadly-educated,soignorant,andsometimessocoarseinmymanners?"

           Onenightthechildwasextremelyill.Atabouttwoo’clockinthemorning,M.deRênalcametoseeit.Thechildconsumedbyfever,andextremelyflushed,couldnotrecogniseitsfather.SuddenlyMadamedeRênalthrewherselfatherhusband’sfeet;Juliensawthatshewasgoingtoconfesseverythingandruinherselfforever.

           FortunatelythisextraordinaryproceedingannoyedM.deRênal.

           "Adieu!Adieu!"hesaid,goingaway.

           "No,listentome,"criedhiswifeonherkneesbeforehim,tryingtoholdhimback."Hearthewholetruth.ItisIwhoamkillingmyson.Igavehimlife,andIamtakingitback.Heavenispunishingme.IntheeyesofGodIamguiltyofmurder.ItisnecessarythatIshouldruinandhumiliatemyself.PerhapsthatsacrificewillappeasetheLord."

           IfM.deRênalhadbeenamanofanyimagination,hewouldthenhaverealizedeverything.

           "Romanticnonsense,"hecried,movinghiswifeawayasshetriedtoembracehisknees."Allthatisromanticnonsense!Julien,goandfetchthedoctoratdaybreak,"andhewentbacktobed.MadamedeRênalfellonherkneeshalf-fainting,repellingJulien’shelpwithahystericalgesture.

           Julienwasastonished.

           "Sothisiswhatadulteryis,"hesaidtohimself."Isitpossiblethatthosescoundrelsofpriestsshouldberight,thattheywhocommitsomanysinsthemselvesshouldhavetheprivilegeofknowingthetruetheoryofsin?Howdroll!"

           FortwentyminutesafterM.

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