Ідіот

Chapter 8

           Whynotdoit?Anddon’tcallme‘Aglaya’;youhavedoneitseveraltimeslately.Youarebound,itisyourdutyto‘raise’her;youmustgooffsomewhereagaintosootheandpacifyher.Why,youloveher,youknow!”

           “Icannotsacrificemyselfso,thoughIadmitIdidwishtodosoonce.Whoknows,perhapsIstillwishto!ButIknowforcertain,thatifshemarriedmeitwouldbeherruin;IknowthisandthereforeIleaveheralone.Ioughttogotoseehertoday;nowIshallprobablynotgo.Sheisproud,shewouldneverforgivemethenatureoftheloveIbearher,andweshouldbothberuined.Thismaybeunnatural,Idon’tknow;buteverythingseemsunnatural.Yousayshelovesme,asifthiswerelove!Asifshecouldloveme,afterwhatIhavebeenthrough!No,no,itisnotlove.”

           “Howpaleyouhavegrown!”criedAglayainalarm.

           “Oh,it’snothing.Ihaven’tslept,that’sall,andI’mrathertired.Iwecertainlydidtalkaboutyou,Aglaya.”

           “Oh,indeed,itistruethen!Youcouldactuallytalkaboutmewithher;andandhowcouldyouhavebeenfondofmewhenyouhadonlyseenmeonce?”

           “Idon’tknow.PerhapsitwasthatIseemedtocomeuponlightinthemidstofmygloom.ItoldyouthetruthwhenIsaidIdidnotknowwhyIthoughtofyoubeforeallothers.Ofcourseitwasallasortofdream,adreamamidstthehorrorsofreality.AfterwardsIbegantowork.

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