Ідіот

Chapter 3

           Whatdidyoutakemetoyourmotherfor?Didyouthinktostayyourhandbydoingso?Perhapsyoudidnotputyourthoughtsintowords,butyouandIwerethinkingthesamething,orfeelingthesamethingloomingoverus,atthesamemoment.WhatshouldyouthinkofmenowifyouhadnotraisedyourknifetometheknifewhichGodavertedfrommythroat?Iwouldhavebeenguiltyofsuspectingyouallthesameandyouwouldhaveintendedthemurderallthesame;thereforeweshouldhavebeenmutuallyguiltyinanycase.Come,don’tfrown;youneedn’tlaughatme,either.Yousayyouhaven’t‘repented.’Repented!Youprobablycouldn’t,ifyouweretotry;youdislikemetoomuchforthat.Why,ifIwereanangeloflight,andasinnocentbeforeyouasababe,youwouldstillloathemeifyoubelievedthatshelovedme,insteadoflovingyourself.That’sjealousythatistherealjealousy.

           “ButdoyouknowwhatIhavebeenthinkingoutduringthislastweek,Parfen?I’lltellyou.Whatifshelovesyounowbetterthananyone?Andwhatifshetormentsyoubecauseshelovesyou,andinproportiontoherloveforyou,soshetormentsyouthemore?Shewon’ttellyouthis,ofcourse;youmusthaveeyestosee.Whydoyousupposesheconsentstomarryyou?Shemusthaveareason,andthatreasonshewilltellyousomeday.Somewomendesirethekindofloveyougiveher,andsheisprobablyoneofthese.Yourloveandyourwildnatureimpressher.

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