Ідіот

Chapter 15

           Iamhavingadayout,youknowit’smybirthday!Ihavelonglookedforwardtothishappyoccasion.DariaAlexeyevna,youseethatnosegay-man,thatMonsieurauxCamelias,sittingtherelaughingatus?”

           “Iamnotlaughing,NastasiaPhilipovna;Iamonlylisteningwithallmyattention,”saidTotski,withdignity.

           “Well,whyhaveIworriedhim,forfiveyears,andneverlethimgofree?Isheworthit?Heisonlyjustwhatheoughttobenothingparticular.HethinksIamtoblame,too.Hegavememyeducation,keptmelikeacountess.Moneymyword!Whatalotofmoneyhespentoverme!Andhetriedtofindmeanhonesthusbandfirst,andthenthisGania,here.Andwhatdoyouthink?AllthesefiveyearsIdidnotlivewithhim,andyetItookhismoney,andconsideredIwasquitejustified.

           “Yousay,takethehundredthousandandkickthatmanout.Itistrue,itisanabominablebusiness,asyousay.Imighthavemarriedlongago,notGaniaOh,no!butthatwouldhavebeenabominabletoo.

           “Wouldyoubelieveit,IhadsomethoughtsofmarryingTotski,fouryearsago!Imeantmischief,IconfessbutIcouldhavehadhim,Igiveyoumyword;heaskedmehimself.ButIthought,no!it’snotworthwhiletotakesuchadvantageofhim.No!Ihadbettergoontothestreets,oracceptRogojin,orbecomeawasherwomanorsomethingforIhavenothingofmyown,youknow.Ishallgoawayandleaveeverythingbehind,tothelastragheshallhaveitallback.

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