Ідіот

Chapter 14

           Iusedtodreamofthepooroldwomanatnights.Ireallyamnotsuperstitious,buttwodaysafter,Iwenttoherfuneral,andastimewentonIthoughtmoreandmoreabouther.Isaidtomyself,‘Thiswoman,thishumanbeing,livedtoagreatage.Shehadchildren,ahusbandandfamily,friendsandrelations;herhouseholdwasbusyandcheerful;shewassurroundedbysmilingfaces;andthensuddenlytheyaregone,andsheisleftalonelikeasolitaryfly...likeafly,cursedwiththeburdenofherage.Atlast,GodcallshertoHimself.Atsunset,onalovelysummer’sevening,mylittleoldwomanpassesawayathought,youwillnotice,whichoffersmuchfoodforreflectionandbehold!insteadoftearsandprayerstostartheronherlastjourney,shehasinsultsandjeersfromayoungensign,whostandsbeforeherwithhishandsinhispockets,makingaterriblerowaboutasouptureen!’OfcourseIwastoblame,andevennowthatIhavetimetolookbackatitcalmly,Ipitythepooroldthingnoless.IrepeatthatIwonderatmyself,forafterallIwasnotreallyresponsible.Whydidshetakeitintoherheadtodieatthatmoment?ButthemoreIthoughtofit,themoreIfelttheweightofituponmymind;andInevergotquiteridoftheimpressionuntilIputacoupleofoldwomenintoanalmshouseandkeptthemthereatmyownexpense.There,that’sall.IrepeatIdaresayIhavecommittedmanyagrievoussininmyday;butIcannothelpalwayslookingbackuponthisastheworstactionIhaveeverperpetrated.

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