Chapter 15

           ThebusinesswaspracticallysettledfromthemomentIneverfollowedhim.Itwasapitifulsurrendertoagitation,butmybeingawareofthishadsomehownopowertorestoreme.Ionlysatthereonmytombandreadintowhatmylittlefriendhadsaidtomethefullnessofitsmeaning;bythetimeIhadgraspedthewholeofwhichIhadalsoembraced,forabsence,thepretextthatIwasashamedtooffermypupilsandtherestofthecongregationsuchanexampleofdelay.WhatIsaidtomyselfaboveallwasthatMileshadgotsomethingoutofmeandthattheproofofit,forhim,wouldbejustthisawkwardcollapse.HehadgotoutofmethattherewassomethingIwasmuchafraidofandthatheshouldprobablybeabletomakeuseofmyfeartogain,forhisownpurpose,morefreedom.Myfearwasofhavingtodealwiththeintolerablequestionofthegroundsofhisdismissalfromschool,forthatwasreallybutthequestionofthehorrorsgatheredbehind.Thathisuncleshouldarrivetotreatwithmeofthesethingswasasolutionthat,strictlyspeaking,Ioughtnowtohavedesiredtobringon;butIcouldsolittlefacetheuglinessandthepainofitthatIsimplyprocrastinatedandlivedfromhandtomouth.Theboy,tomydeepdiscomposure,wasimmenselyintheright,wasinapositiontosaytome:“Eitheryouclearupwithmyguardianthemysteryofthisinterruptionofmystudies,oryouceasetoexpectmetoleadwithyoualifethat’ssounnaturalforaboy.