Chapter 9

           

           Iwaitedandwaited,andthedays,astheyelapsed,tooksomethingfrommyconsternation.Averyfewofthem,infact,passing,inconstantsightofmypupils,withoutafreshincident,sufficedtogivetogrievousfanciesandeventoodiousmemoriesakindofbrushofthesponge.IhavespokenofthesurrendertotheirextraordinarychildishgraceasathingIcouldactivelycultivate,anditmaybeimaginedifIneglectednowtoaddressmyselftothissourceforwhateveritwouldyield.StrangerthanIcanexpress,certainly,wastheefforttostruggleagainstmynewlights;itwoulddoubtlesshavebeen,however,agreatertensionstillhaditnotbeensofrequentlysuccessful.IusedtowonderhowmylittlechargescouldhelpguessingthatIthoughtstrangethingsaboutthem;andthecircumstancesthatthesethingsonlymadethemmoreinterestingwasnotbyitselfadirectaidtokeepingtheminthedark.Itrembledlesttheyshouldseethattheyweresoimmenselymoreinteresting.Puttingthingsattheworst,atallevents,asinmeditationIsooftendid,anycloudingoftheirinnocencecouldonlybeblamelessandforedoomedastheywereareasonthemorefortakingrisks.Thereweremomentswhen,byanirresistibleimpulse,Ifoundmyselfcatchingthemupandpressingthemtomyheart.

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