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           ”WhatwassounnaturalfortheparticularboyIwasconcernedwithwasthissuddenrevelationofaconsciousnessandaplan.

           Thatwaswhatreallyovercameme,whatpreventedmygoingin.Iwalkedroundthechurch,hesitating,hovering;IreflectedthatIhadalready,withhim,hurtmyselfbeyondrepair.ThereforeIcouldpatchupnothing,anditwastooextremeanefforttosqueezebesidehimintothepew:hewouldbesomuchmoresurethanevertopasshisarmintomineandmakemesitthereforanhourinclose,silentcontactwithhiscommentaryonourtalk.ForthefirstminutesincehisarrivalIwantedtogetawayfromhim.AsIpausedbeneaththehigheastwindowandlistenedtothesoundsofworship,Iwastakenwithanimpulsethatmightmasterme,Ifelt,completelyshouldIgiveittheleastencouragement.Imighteasilyputanendtomypredicamentbygettingawayaltogether.Herewasmychance;therewasnoonetostopme;Icouldgivethewholethingup—turnmybackandretreat.Itwasonlyaquestionofhurryingagain,forafewpreparations,tothehousewhichtheattendanceatchurchofsomanyoftheservantswouldpracticallyhaveleftunoccupied.Noone,inshort,couldblamemeifIshouldjustdrivedesperatelyoff.WhatwasittogetawayifIgotawayonlytilldinner?Thatwouldbeinacoupleofhours,attheendofwhich—Ihadtheacuteprevision—mylittlepupilswouldplayatinnocentwonderaboutmynonappearanceintheirtrain.