Тесс з роду д’Ербервілей

Chapter 48

           

           HowsillyIwasinmyhappinesswhenIthoughtIcouldtrustyoualwaystoloveme!Ioughttohaveknownthatsuchasthatwasnotforpoorme.ButIamsickatheart,notonlyforoldtimes,butforthepresent.Think—thinkhowitdohurtmyheartnottoseeyouever—ever!Ah,ifIcouldonlymakeyourdearheartacheonelittleminuteofeachdayasminedoeseverydayandalldaylong,itmightleadyoutoshowpitytoyourpoorlonelyone.

           PeoplestillsaythatIamratherpretty,Angel(handsomeisthewordtheyuse,sinceIwishtobetruthful).PerhapsIamwhattheysay.ButIdonotvaluemygoodlooks;Ionlyliketohavethembecausetheybelongtoyou,mydear,andthattheremaybeatleastonethingaboutmeworthyourhaving.SomuchhaveIfeltthis,thatwhenImetwithannoyanceonaccountofthesameItiedupmyfaceinabandageaslongaspeoplewouldbelieveinit.OAngel,Itellyouallthisnotfromvanity—youwillcertainlyknowIdonot—butonlythatyoumaycometome!

           Ifyoureallycannotcometomewillyouletmecometoyou?Iam,asIsay,worried,pressedtodowhatIwillnotdo.ItcannotbethatIshallyieldoneinch,yetIaminterrorastowhatanaccidentmightleadto,andIsodefencelessonaccountofmyfirsterror.Icannotsaymoreaboutthis—itmakesmetoomiserable.ButifIbreakdownbyfallingintosomefearfulsnare,mylaststatewillbeworsethanmyfirst

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