Тесс з роду д’Ербервілей

Chapter 14

           

           Itwasathousandpities,indeed;itwasimpossibleforevenanenemytofeelotherwiseonlookingatTessasshesatthere,withherflower-likemouthandlargetendereyes,neitherblacknorbluenorgreynorviolet;ratherallthoseshadestogether,andahundredothers,whichcouldbeseenifonelookedintotheiririses—shadebehindshade—tintbeyondtint—aroundpupilsthathadnobottom;analmoststandardwoman,butfortheslightincautiousnessofcharacterinheritedfromherrace.

           Aresolutionwhichhadsurprisedherselfhadbroughtherintothefieldsthisweekforthefirsttimeduringmanymonths.Afterwearingandwastingherpalpitatingheartwitheveryengineofregretthatlonelyinexperiencecoulddevise,commonsensehadilluminatedher.Shefeltthatshewoulddowelltobeusefulagain—totasteanewsweetindependenceatanyprice.Thepastwaspast;whateverithadbeenitwasnomoreathand.Whateveritsconsequences,timewouldcloseoverthem;theywouldallinafewyearsbeasiftheyhadneverbeen,andsheherselfgrasseddownandforgotten.Meanwhilethetreeswerejustasgreenasbefore;thebirdssangandthesunshoneasclearlynowasever.Thefamiliarsurroundingshadnotdarkenedbecauseofhergrief,norsickenedbecauseofherpain.

           Shemighthaveseenthatwhathadbowedherheadsoprofoundly—thethoughtoftheworld’sconcernathersituation—wasfoundedonanillusion.Shewasnotanexistence,anexperience,apassion,astructureofsensations,toanybodybutherself.

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