Скорбота сатани

Chapter 36

           ButIwasmistaken—andoutofthismistakecomesallmyperplexity,painandbewildermentIcannotunderstandwhymylove—belovedbeyondallwordorthought—shouldscornmeandrepulsemewithsuchbitterloathing!Itissuchacommonthingnow-a-daysforamarriedwomantohaveherownlover,apartfromherhusbanddeconvenance!Thewritersofbooksadviseit—Ihaveseenthecustomnotonlyexcusedbutadvocatedoverandoveragaininlongandscientificarticlesthatareopenlypublishedinleadingmagazines.WhythenshouldIbeblamedormydesiresconsideredcriminal?Aslongasnopublicscandalismade,whatharmisdone?Icannotseeit—itisnotasiftherewereaGodtocare—thescientistssaythereisnoGod!

           ·····Iwasverystartledjustnow.IthoughtIheardLucio’svoicecallingme.Ihavewalkedthroughtheroomslookingeverywhere,andIopenedmydoortolisten,butthereisnoone.Iamalone.IhavetoldtheservantnottodisturbmetillIring;...Ishallneverring!NowIcometothinkofit,itissingularthatIhaveneverknownwhoLucioreallyis.Aprince,hesays—andthatIcanwellbelieve—thoughtrulyprincesnow-a-daysaresoplebeianandcommoninlookandbearingthatheseemstoogreattobelongtososhabbyafraternity.Fromwhatkingdomdoeshecome?—towhatnationdoeshebelong?Thesearequestionswhichheneveranswerssaveequivocally.

           ·····Ipausehere,andlookatmyselfinthemirror.

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