Скорбота сатани

Chapter 26

           Ihadtorealizethatmymarriagewasnothingbutthemerematingofthemaleandfemaleanimalacoarsebodilyunion,andnomore;thatallthefineranddeeperemotionswhichmakeaholythingofhumanwedlock,werelackingthemutualrespect,thetrustingsympathythelovelyconfidenceofmindwithmindthesubtleinnerspiritualbondwhichnosciencecananalyse,andwhichissomuchcloserandstrongerthanthematerial,andknitsimmortalsoulstogetherwhenbodiesdecaythesethingshadnoexistence,andneverwouldexistbetweenmywifeandme.Thus,asfarasIwasconcerned,therewasastrangeblanknessintheworldIwasthrustbackuponmyselfforcomfortandfoundnone.WhatshouldIdowithmylife,Iwondereddrearily!Winfametruefameafterall?WithSibyl’switch-eyesmockingmyefforts?never!IfIhadeverhadanygiftsofcreativethoughtwithinme,shewouldhavekilledit!

           Thehourwasovertheboatmanrowedmeintoland,andIpaidanddismissedhim.Thesunhadcompletelysunkthereweredensepurpleshadowsdarkeningoverthemountains,andoneortwosmallstarsfaintlydiscernibleintheeast.Iwalkedslowlybacktothevillawherewewerestayinga‘dépendance’belongingtothelargehotelofthedistrict,whichwehadrentedforthesakeofprivacyandindependence,someofthehotel-servantsbeingportionedofftoattenduponus,inadditiontomyownmanMorris,andmywife’smaid.

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