Скорбота сатани

Chapter 26

           Ihadtorealizethatmymarriagewasnothingbutthemerematingofthemaleandfemaleanimal—acoarsebodilyunion,andnomore;—thatallthefineranddeeperemotionswhichmakeaholythingofhumanwedlock,werelacking—themutualrespect,thetrustingsympathy—thelovelyconfidenceofmindwithmind—thesubtleinnerspiritualbondwhichnosciencecananalyse,andwhichissomuchcloserandstrongerthanthematerial,andknitsimmortalsoulstogetherwhenbodiesdecay—thesethingshadnoexistence,andneverwouldexistbetweenmywifeandme.Thus,asfarasIwasconcerned,therewasastrangeblanknessintheworld—Iwasthrustbackuponmyselfforcomfortandfoundnone.WhatshouldIdowithmylife,Iwondereddrearily!Winfame—truefame—afterall?WithSibyl’switch-eyesmockingmyefforts?—never!IfIhadeverhadanygiftsofcreativethoughtwithinme,shewouldhavekilledit!

           Thehourwasover—theboatmanrowedmeintoland,andIpaidanddismissedhim.Thesunhadcompletelysunk—thereweredensepurpleshadowsdarkeningoverthemountains,andoneortwosmallstarsfaintlydiscernibleintheeast.Iwalkedslowlybacktothevillawherewewerestaying—a‘dépendance’belongingtothelargehotelofthedistrict,whichwehadrentedforthesakeofprivacyandindependence,someofthehotel-servantsbeingportionedofftoattenduponus,inadditiontomyownmanMorris,andmywife’smaid.

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