Скорбота сатани

Chapter 26

           myGod!anirrepressiblecryescapedmeasmythoughtswentonandoninthenever-endingcircleandproblemofincurable,unspeakabledespairandIthrewmyselfdownonashelvingbankofgrassthatslopedtowardsthelakeandcoveredmyfaceinaparoxysmoftearlessagony.

           Stillinexorablethoughtworkedinmybrain,andforcedmetoconsidermyposition.WasshewasSibylmoretoblamethanImyselfforallthestrangehavocwrought?Ihadmarriedherofmyownfreewillandchoiceandshehadtoldmebeforehand"Iamacontaminatedcreature,trainedtoperfectioninthelaxmoralsandprurientliteratureofmyday."Wellandsoithadproved!MyownbloodburnedwithshameasIreflectedhowampleandconvincingweretheproofs!and,startingupfrommyrecumbentpostureIpacedupanddownagainrestlesslyinafeverofself-contemptanddisgust.WhatcouldIdowithawomansuchasshetowhomIwasnowboundforlife?Reformher?Shewouldlaughmetoscornfortheattempt.Reformmyself?Shewouldsneeratmeforaneffeminatemilksop.Besides,wasnotIaswillingtobedegradedasshewastodegrademe?averyvictimtomybrutepassions?TorturedandmaddenedbymyfeelingsIroamedaboutwildly,andstartedasifapistol-shothadbeenfirednearmewhentheplashofoarssoundedonthesilenceandthekeelofasmallboatgratedontheshore,theboatmanwithinitrespectfullybeggingmeinmellifluousFrenchtoemployhimforanhour.

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