Скорбота сатани

Chapter 17

           Iampassionate,resentful,impetuous—frequentlyunsympathetic,andinclinedtomorbidnessandmelancholy,andIconfessIhaveimbibed,consciouslyorunconsciously,thatcompletecontemptoflifeanddisbeliefinaGod,whichisthechiefthemeofnearlyallthesocialteachingsofthetime."

           Sheceased—andIgazedatherwithanoddsenseofmingledworshipanddisillusion,evenasabarbarianmightgazeatanidolwhomhestillloved,butwhomhecouldnolongerbelieveinasdivine.Yetwhatshesaidwasinnowaycontrarytomyowntheories—howthencouldIcomplain?IdidnotbelieveinaGod;whyshouldIinconsistentlyfeelregretthatshesharedmyunbelief?Ihadinvoluntarilyclungtotheold-fashionedideathatreligiousfaithwasasacreddutyinwomanhood;Iwasnotabletoofferanyreasonforthisnotion,unlessitwastheromanticfancyofhavingagoodwomantoprayforone,ifonehadnotimeandlessinclinationtoprayforone’sself.However,itwasevidentSibylwas‘advanced’enoughtodowithoutsuperstitiousobservances;shewouldneverprayforme;—andifwehadchildren,shewouldneverteachthemtomaketheirfirsttenderappealstoHeavenformysakeorhers.Ismotheredaslightsigh,andwasabouttospeak,whenshecameuptomeandlaidhertwohandsonmyshoulders."Youlookunhappy,Geoffrey,"—shesaidingentleraccents—"Beconsoled!—itisnottoolateforyoutochangeyourmind!"

           Imetthequestioningglanceofhereyes—beautiful,lustrouseyesasclearandpureaslightitself.

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